Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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