We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
