he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
