I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
