i was born a porn star she said
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
