i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
