if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
