Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
