when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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