So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
