If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Text me some of your sweat
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