I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.