i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao