my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.