and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table