I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass