Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
