I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question