I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
where does the pee come out of this thing
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.