Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.