Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
