i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
