dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
