She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
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Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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