So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
