I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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