i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
