Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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