We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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