it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
