mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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