And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
