I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
