This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
