just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to make out with him forever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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