You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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