It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
