I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Acid is not a monday night drug
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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