pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
