She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
