mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Randomize
