He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
