I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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