Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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