Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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