our cab driver is having phone sex.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
