he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
