my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
