I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
