Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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