I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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