i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
