the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
