she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
