It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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