i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
