She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
