Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
