So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
