Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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