did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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