i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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