did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
