it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
