This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.