Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart

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(909): flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart http://tfl.nu/bteu

Replies (17) Good night (5117) Bad night (2019)
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(254): View more from Texas

just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

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(254): just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night. http://tfl.nu/wct2

Replies (37) Good night (5467) Bad night (1166)
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(260): View more from Indiana

I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie

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(260): I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie http://tfl.nu/6pmw

Replies (5) Good night (1337) Bad night (3367)
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(716): View more from New York

im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis

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(716): im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis http://tfl.nu/d4eh

Replies (11) Good night (2814) Bad night (1167)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was

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(201): at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was http://tfl.nu/89k6

Replies (21) Good night (3427) Bad night (1331)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.

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(262): i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching. (715): okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference. http://tfl.nu/rrjb

Replies (11) Good night (4380) Bad night (1153)
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(231): View more from Michigan

My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....

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(231): My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness.... http://tfl.nu/k1tt

Replies (5) Good night (2927) Bad night (858)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe

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(832): When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe http://tfl.nu/uvdo

Replies (16) Good night (748) Bad night (3202)
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(518): View more from New York

I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants

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(518): I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants http://tfl.nu/tuxk

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(775): View more from Nevada

This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"

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(775): This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat" http://tfl.nu/i7x4

Replies (6) Good night (786) Bad night (784)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.

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(971): I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad. http://tfl.nu/wd71

Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (405)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!

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(412): I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?! (412): Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?! http://tfl.nu/zxwf

Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (342)
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(509): View more from Washington

you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to

(702): View more from Nevada

It's true

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(509): you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to (702): It's true http://tfl.nu/0sa6

Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (348)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I wish drunk me came with subtitles

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(860): I wish drunk me came with subtitles http://tfl.nu/t49l

Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (223)
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(773): View more from Illinois

And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive

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(773): And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive http://tfl.nu/ytyg

Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (220)

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