It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
