you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need a hoe opinion
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis