im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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