Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.