I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.