i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.