jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering