Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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