Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
