The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
