Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
