I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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