she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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