on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
