if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
