i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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