hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
