the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
