At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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