why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
