Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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