My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Who died my cat blue again?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
