no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
