Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
