i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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