I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
