You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Help. Why am I so naked?
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