my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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