then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
