i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
